I feel like I've learned a lot this year about what is and what is not healthy. I feel like I've learned that my body can't handle wheat or it breaks out in hives. I feel like I've got more energy. All great things...but the scale, my pant size hasn't budged.
I started P90X this past week and it's tough. I wish it was just easy. But it just isn't. I did 30 minutes of the yoga video and conked. It was all planks for 30 minutes. I even felt the shorter 30 minute workout the next day.
Do my pants fit better...nope.
Maybe I'm still healing from the damage of eating wheat for 30 years when my body doesn't tolerate it. I know that this is a fad, the whole gluten free thing, but I totally believe wheat is healthy...just for OTHER people. But for me, I break out in hives when I eat it and my skin is itchy and dry and I get a little fuzzy in my brain. So for me, wheat is out.
It's just frustrating, I want to see some progress. I feel like my metabolism is kaput...blah!!!
I wrote all that yesterday, today I feel a little more encouraged. Maybe I'll see some good things coming my way. I did some P90X Stretch this morning, something a little lighter than the other P90X workouts, but I need to keep committed to working out every day. This helped me move forward.
I'm in a spot where I need to learn how to stay committed in everything. Committed to my health, committed to eating healthy, committed to projects, committed to my daily devotions... I feel like I'm not so good at staying committed and I'd like to be better at it. I'm going to do some research on tips to becoming a committed/disciplined person. I find that growing up, discipline wasn't a family value...or it was a value that we weren't disciplined. I don't value the outcome of being undisciplined. I want to see the fruits of my labor come true.
So I'm going to ask myself some tough questions:
What do I get out of not being disciplined?
It's a great excuse. It's an easy out. I say I'm going to do something big, but I'm just not disciplined to get there. It's not that I chose to not accomplish my goals, I'm just not very disciplined. I never have been. Lack of conviction to my word. I tell my husband that I'm going to clean the kitchen while he's at work, it doesn't get clean, he comes home and I broke my word. He doesn't say anything but he doesn't expect me to keep my word. I say to myself, I was busy, the baby was distracting, we were tired....on and on... I'm just not disciplined..oh well. The "oh well" is like saying it's not a big deal. But honestly, it's selfishness. How would I feel if the roles were reversed? Would I let him off the hook? I might give him some room, but what if it happened all the time, how would I feel. I'd feel angry, hurt, and extremely frustrated. Is that what I'm creating around me?
What would I get if I were disciplined?
Is it worth it?
What value is there in not being disciplined?
What beliefs about myself do I have to change to get to where I want to be?