Thursday, June 28, 2012

losing weight is no fun...

I know...that is totally a victim statement. But really, it does suck sometimes. Today is one of those days...

I feel like I've learned a lot this year about what is and what is not healthy. I feel like I've learned that my body can't handle wheat or it breaks out in hives. I feel like I've got more energy. All great things...but the scale, my pant size hasn't budged.

I started P90X this past week and it's tough. I wish it was just easy. But it just isn't. I did 30 minutes of the yoga video and conked. It was all planks for 30 minutes. I even felt the shorter 30 minute workout the next day.

Do my pants fit better...nope.

Maybe I'm still healing from the damage of eating wheat for 30 years when my body doesn't tolerate it. I know that this is a fad, the whole gluten free thing, but I totally believe wheat is healthy...just for OTHER people. But for me, I break out in hives when I eat it and my skin is itchy and dry and I get a little fuzzy in my brain. So for me, wheat is out.


It's just frustrating, I want to see some progress. I feel like my metabolism is kaput...blah!!!




....

I wrote all that yesterday, today I feel a little more encouraged. Maybe I'll see some good things coming my way. I did some P90X Stretch this morning, something a little lighter than the other P90X workouts, but I need to keep committed to working out every day. This helped me move forward.

I'm in a spot where I need to learn how to stay committed in everything. Committed to my health, committed to eating healthy, committed to projects, committed to my daily devotions... I feel like I'm not so good at staying committed and I'd like to be better at it. I'm going to do some research on tips to becoming a committed/disciplined person. I find that growing up, discipline wasn't a family value...or it was a value that we weren't disciplined. I don't value the outcome of being undisciplined. I want to see the fruits of my labor come true.

So I'm going to ask myself some tough questions:

What do I get out of not being disciplined?
   It's a great excuse. It's an easy out. I say I'm going to do something big, but I'm just not disciplined to get there. It's not that I chose to not accomplish my goals, I'm just not very disciplined. I never have been. Lack of conviction to my word. I tell my husband that I'm going to clean the kitchen while he's at work, it doesn't get clean, he comes home and I broke my word. He doesn't say anything but he doesn't expect me to keep my word. I say to myself, I was busy, the baby was distracting, we were tired....on and on... I'm just not disciplined..oh well. The "oh well" is like saying it's not a big deal. But honestly, it's selfishness. How would I feel if the roles were reversed? Would I let him off the hook? I might give him some room, but what if it happened all the time, how would I feel. I'd feel angry, hurt, and extremely frustrated. Is that what I'm creating around me?

What would I get if I were disciplined?
 If I were disciplined/committed I would lose the weight I've wanted to lose. I would keep a clean house. I would make extra income for our family. I'd reach out to the community and volunteer more. I would have stronger relationships. I would be a better confidant. 


Is it worth it?
Honestly, it sounds overwhelming. Is this part of the problem? If I was disciplined/committed - would it ever be good enough? Would I ever give myself necessary downtime? Or is that overwhelming feeling another excuse?  

Maybe if I built slowly into a more disciplined life, where I picked one thing at a time to be really committed to. Like losing weight and forgetting about the rest. Maybe I would find that it's not that hard to be discipline when I give myself space to be me and be creative and let go of what's unnecessary. 

What value is there in not being disciplined?

Freedom to choose. Freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and freedom to not do something I don't want to do.  

What value is there in BEING disciplined?

Being a trustworthy person that people can rely on. Being able to accomplish my goals and change myself and the world around. Being a better mom and teaching my daughter good habits for her future. Being able to get ahead of the game to have more freedom in life - financially, time, etc. Being more organized so that time is better spent  - which in essence gives me more time. Being a better steward of my time and resources. 

What beliefs about myself do I have to change to get to where I want to be?

 I have to believe that I am a disciplined, committed person that has the energy, strength, willpower and passion to change myself and my world. 


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Freaked OUT...

Just realized today that I have 3 months and 1 week until race day... Ummmm, how did that happen?!?? SHOCKED AND UNPREPARED! So now I need a miracle.

I have exactly 14 weeks.

I've already cut out wheat and kept sugar under 2 teaspoons per day. Now I need to take the next step and cut out carbs and sugary fruits And veggies.

Next I need to start training. I'm going to complete p90x to build strength and endurance. I'm going to continue walking at least 10,000 steps a day as a baseline, and keep increasing.

Then there's the actual running. Crap...this is where I get scared... Doesn't matter I gotta commit.

Here is my goal: on or before September 22 I will complete a half marathon.

Now I need to start visualizing. Here is my vision statement:

I am an active, fit, and hot mom.

Mmm hmmm. Time to get my butt in gear...