losing weight is no fun...

I know...that is totally a victim statement. But really, it does suck sometimes. Today is one of those days...

I feel like I've learned a lot this year about what is and what is not healthy. I feel like I've learned that my body can't handle wheat or it breaks out in hives. I feel like I've got more energy. All great things...but the scale, my pant size hasn't budged.

I started P90X this past week and it's tough. I wish it was just easy. But it just isn't. I did 30 minutes of the yoga video and conked. It was all planks for 30 minutes. I even felt the shorter 30 minute workout the next day.

Do my pants fit better...nope.

Maybe I'm still healing from the damage of eating wheat for 30 years when my body doesn't tolerate it. I know that this is a fad, the whole gluten free thing, but I totally believe wheat is healthy...just for OTHER people. But for me, I break out in hives when I eat it and my skin is itchy and dry and I get a little fuzzy in my brain. So for me, wheat is out.


It's just frustrating, I want to see some progress. I feel like my metabolism is kaput...blah!!!




....

I wrote all that yesterday, today I feel a little more encouraged. Maybe I'll see some good things coming my way. I did some P90X Stretch this morning, something a little lighter than the other P90X workouts, but I need to keep committed to working out every day. This helped me move forward.

I'm in a spot where I need to learn how to stay committed in everything. Committed to my health, committed to eating healthy, committed to projects, committed to my daily devotions... I feel like I'm not so good at staying committed and I'd like to be better at it. I'm going to do some research on tips to becoming a committed/disciplined person. I find that growing up, discipline wasn't a family value...or it was a value that we weren't disciplined. I don't value the outcome of being undisciplined. I want to see the fruits of my labor come true.

So I'm going to ask myself some tough questions:

What do I get out of not being disciplined?
   It's a great excuse. It's an easy out. I say I'm going to do something big, but I'm just not disciplined to get there. It's not that I chose to not accomplish my goals, I'm just not very disciplined. I never have been. Lack of conviction to my word. I tell my husband that I'm going to clean the kitchen while he's at work, it doesn't get clean, he comes home and I broke my word. He doesn't say anything but he doesn't expect me to keep my word. I say to myself, I was busy, the baby was distracting, we were tired....on and on... I'm just not disciplined..oh well. The "oh well" is like saying it's not a big deal. But honestly, it's selfishness. How would I feel if the roles were reversed? Would I let him off the hook? I might give him some room, but what if it happened all the time, how would I feel. I'd feel angry, hurt, and extremely frustrated. Is that what I'm creating around me?

What would I get if I were disciplined?

 If I were disciplined/committed I would lose the weight I've wanted to lose. I would keep a clean house. I would make extra income for our family. I'd reach out to the community and volunteer more. I would have stronger relationships. I would be a better confidant. 

Is it worth it?

Honestly, it sounds overwhelming. Is this part of the problem? If I was disciplined/committed - would it ever be good enough? Would I ever give myself necessary downtime? Or is that overwhelming feeling another excuse?  

Maybe if I built slowly into a more disciplined life, where I picked one thing at a time to be really committed to. Like losing weight and forgetting about the rest. Maybe I would find that it's not that hard to be discipline when I give myself space to be me and be creative and let go of what's unnecessary. 

What value is there in not being disciplined?

Freedom to choose. Freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and freedom to not do something I don't want to do.  

What value is there in BEING disciplined?

Being a trustworthy person that people can rely on. Being able to accomplish my goals and change myself and the world around. Being a better mom and teaching my daughter good habits for her future. Being able to get ahead of the game to have more freedom in life - financially, time, etc. Being more organized so that time is better spent  - which in essence gives me more time. Being a better steward of my time and resources. 

What beliefs about myself do I have to change to get to where I want to be?

 I have to believe that I am a disciplined, committed person that has the energy, strength, willpower and passion to change myself and my world. 

Freaked OUT...

Just realized today that I have 3 months and 1 week until race day... Ummmm, how did that happen?!?? SHOCKED AND UNPREPARED! So now I need a miracle.

I have exactly 14 weeks.

I've already cut out wheat and kept sugar under 2 teaspoons per day. Now I need to take the next step and cut out carbs and sugary fruits And veggies.

Next I need to start training. I'm going to complete p90x to build strength and endurance. I'm going to continue walking at least 10,000 steps a day as a baseline, and keep increasing.

Then there's the actual running. Crap...this is where I get scared... Doesn't matter I gotta commit.

Here is my goal: on or before September 22 I will complete a half marathon.

Now I need to start visualizing. Here is my vision statement:

I am an active, fit, and hot mom.

Mmm hmmm. Time to get my butt in gear...

Week one complete!

And yes...it took me 3 weeks to complete it. Didn't admit that to my Facebook friends though!

I also contemplated taking a picture of my post-workout face but decided against. The red face clashed with my light orangish-red hair. Too embarrassing for anyone but my husband to see!

But I must proclaim victory! I ran the FULL WORKOUT! This is the first time. (I say this as sweat drips down my back...) Feels amazing to have completed week 1, and decided to let this propel me into completing week 1 and 2 this week. Cheer me on! I need your support!!!

C25K: Day 2

Day 2's run was a billion times better than day 1! Seriously! I didn't make it through it completely, however I did so much better than the first run. I had energy, I didn't hurt as much, I paced myself better. Everything was better. It was fun and everything. I'm looking forward to my third run. I was going to do it today, but the weather was not very conducive to being outdoors. I might have to come up with an alternative place to run when the weather is icky. OR just come up with a different type of endurance building workout - like crossfit, P90X, etc.

My total was 1.8 miles for the walk/jog. I actually feel pretty decent about it. I know it's slow, but I still feel good about it!

Mmm...fake cauliflower pizza crust turned lasagna!

For dinner tonight, I thought I'd try a version of cauliflower pizza crust that used fresh cauliflower and didn't need a microwave (we don't own one!)

I baked the pizza crust and the center was still gooey but the underneath and corners were burned. I thought maybe if I put the toppings on and bake it at a lower temperature maybe it would be okay. Well. It wasn't...

That on top of my daughter fussy from teething and being extra needy put me over the edge for a moment. Then my mother-in-law said, I bet it's still good, we could try it and see how it goes. This statement saved me from turning to real pizza from our neighborhood italian restaurant! (Although, I was almost hoping for a good excuse to go for it!)

So I slopped it on my plate and it ended up tasting like lasagna without the noodles. I used Ricotta cheese in the cauliflower crust (which is probably why it wouldn't turn into pizza crust) and the mixture of cauliflower, Ricotta, oregano, basil, and garlic tasted like lasagna filling Topped with baby tomatoes, onion, and mozzarella. It was delish! Since I'm not cutting out fat, it was all whole milk cheeses so it was ultra delicious.

The only problem I faced was my own intolerance for dairy cheeses...I'm going to try and make some cheese (such as mozzarella and ricotta) from raw milk in May so maybe I'll be able to handle some of the delicious cheeses better!

I found the basic recipe on Sparkpeople recipes and made only a few changes. Here is the link to the original recipe: http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=1606756

Here is the recipe I followed:

1 Cup Cauliflower
1 egg
1 Cup Ricotta Cheese
1 tsp Oregano
4 fresh basil leaves (I freeze my spices so I don't have to worry about them going bad)
2 garlic cloves

If you have a vitamix, throw all the ingredients in your blender, and blend at 4 for 30 seconds. If not:

Either put your cauliflower in a food processor or shred it using a small grater. Add egg, ricotta cheese, and spices and mix.

Put on greased pizza crust (we use either butter or coconut oil for high heat cooking; Macadamia oil should also work well) and bake for 12-15 minutes at 450 degrees.

After the crust has baked, add toppings - we used mozzarella, onions, a tomato sauce, and pre-cooked chicken. But be creative, the original recipe has lots of creative suggestions.

If for some reason your pizza crust turns out to be pizza crust, just put the pizza back in the oven and put on high broil for approx. 3-4 minutes. If not, bake for another 8 minutes until ingredients are melted. Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes. Scoop the cut pieces onto your plate (trying to leave the pizza topping on top for appeal). We added a little salt and pepper and a yummy side salad.

Turned out delicious - love it when mistakes turn out to be wonderful!

C25K: Day 1

So I got out there. I walked outside and pressed play on my C25K training app. "Begin walking." Then I started playing dance music to get me going. The intro of the song had an anticipatory beat and I felt like I was the only one there on the street about to burst into a full on sprint. I could barely hold myself from running until the app said it was time to start jogging. Finally, the app said, "Begin jogging." I took my first pace and my foot hit the ground. Suddenly this momentum that had been building in me felt clumsy and slow and the ground felt hard. The cool air that once felt like a gentle breeze felt more like frozen ice in my throat. My skin began to itch and freak out from my body not used to movement and cold air...

While I was jogging I saw these two women walking a sweet little dog. My imagination started to picture what they must think of me. This overweight woman running clumsily down the street, panting at 3 miles per hour. They had to think I was foolish, or ridiculous. But then I said, maybe they think I'm brave. Maybe they think, would I have the guts to do that? Then I thought about a month or two down the road. When my body is more limber and strong, running past these same two women, and them turning their heads n disbelief. THAT would be a complete victory for me.
In spite of my clumsiness, my fear, my self doubt, I did it. I may not have run as long as the app said to run, but I got out there and moved the whole time. It will get easier, I will get stronger. And I can see her. This woman...running to the dance music - strong, proud, slender, and graceful.

New motivation

Sometimes making a new commitment will help you reach your goal. Not necessarily a weight loss goal, but maybe a goal to run a half marathon. Instead of focusing on the weight focus on a goal that will help you lose weight but focus on something else.

Today I committed to run a half marathon on August 19th and raise $655 for World Vision. I totally believe in World Vision's cause and would love to raise so much more than $655 for children in poverty.

So, here we go! Ready to start training!!!